Disbelief
by Charbonne
Summary: Discontinued due to a family member's request Based on a true story. One digidestined's actions will affect the rest in ways he would have not imagined.
1. December 10th

This is a true story, altered to fit into Digimon. This is actually happening to me and my family, but I will not disclose any information that might violate privacy to all that are involved. I will say that writing this fic has helped with what I'm feeling, but it won't heal the pain that I'm going through. Just to let you know, this fic is dealing with the subject of suicide, so I'm probably going to play it safe and put the rating at PG-13.

Disclaimer: I do not own digimon, but anything that happens in this fic is real.

I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head.

There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

So I'm thinking over..... 

-Dana Glover "Thinking Over"

**__**

Disbelief… 

__

December 10

Disbelief. 

That was the first emotion that ripped through Yamato Ishida's heart as he stared at Hikari and Daisuke. Both of them tried to look brave, because the truth was they didn't want to scare Matt more than necessary. However, Matt knew better than that. He could see the fear and pain in their eyes, could hear their strained voices as they talked frantically to his mother. Her expression had changed from shock to disbelief to anxiety, all in a matter of seconds. She was at the moment sitting on the couch, shaking and crying. That was the hard part, watching his mother cry for what seemed like an eternity. Matt turned toward the two younger teens and frowned. "I hope that this is a bad joke," he said quietly. "Where did he say he was going?"

"To the park," Daisuke said, fear evident in his voice. "He just got up out of class and ran. That's when Kari checked her email and ran after him."

Matt made a grab for his coat when a hand touched him. "Matt, stay here. Let me find him." Nancy's voice seemed strained.

"I'm going with you," Matt argued, hoping that there was something he could do besides sitting on his hands.

"Yamato," Nancy said quietly. Matt never liked it when she used his first name like that. "He could come home and I might miss him. Besides, you need to call the police. This might not end up to be very pretty." She looked at him. "I'll go call your father and see if he can't help me look."

Matt sighed heavily and nodded. He watched as his mother snatched her coat off the hook and rush out the door. He turned around and saw Kari sitting on the couch, hugging a pillow and Daisuke pace around the room with his hands in his pocket. Matt walked over to the phone and dialed 911.

To him, this was one of the worst days of his life. The day had started normally. He had woken up late and had gone over to his mom's house. He was out of school now, and he was just visiting her. They were in the middle of lunch when they heard frantic pounding on the door. Puzzled, Matt had gone to the door and opened it. That's when the normal day ended and the nightmare began. Kari and Daisuke were at the door, and when Matt had asked them what was the matter, Kari had burst into tears and Daisuke had told him the worst news that Matt could ever receive. Takeru, his little brother, was about to commit suicide. He had left them an email message telling them and explaining why he was going to, and telling them that it wasn't their fault. 

"He couldn't do that. I mean, TK really had no problems that I saw and he never talked to me about it." Matt was muttering under his breath. He looked over and heard a sob from Kari, as Daisuke punched his fist into his hand. 

The waiting seemed to take forever, and just as Matt was about to go out himself, his dad came in. Masaru looked haggard and worn, and Matt could tell from his eyes that he was frustrated. "Matt," he said, looking at his eldest son, "TK had a gun. He was going to shoot himself with it when me and your mother got there." His voice was shaking, but he cleared his throat and continued. "I grabbed it and it went off, but the gun jammed. The police are with TK and Nancy now, getting a statement." He sighed. "He might have to go through counseling and stuff, but he's alright."

Matt just stood there, stunned. Kari was still crying on the couch, but at least Daisuke had stopped pacing. "Will he have to go to the hospital?" Daisuke asked, worry evident in his voice.

Masaru nodded. "The police want to take him to a crisis clinic down the road, but me and your mother have to go with them. He might have to go on anti-depressants for a while, and he won't be able to go to work anytime soon."

Matt nodded. TK had worked at a café at the mall, and he had another job down there at a clothing store. Matt couldn't imagine having two jobs and going to school at the same time, much less having all the extra curricular activities that his little brother was in. He was in basketball, in the honor society at school, and he was also in several clubs. "How long is he going to be there?" He asked, looking his father directly in the eye.

"Probably overnight, but that depends on what the psychiatrist at the clinic says." Masaru sounded tired.

"Do you think TK would be mad at us if we came along, Mr. Ishida?" Kari asked, her voice sounding small.

"I don't think you should. They would probably want the parents to come."

"I'm going too." Matt glared at anyone who would try to dispute otherwise.

"Yamato…" Now his dad was using his first name.

"I don't care what you say, dad. I'm going too. TK might need me." Matt reasoned. 

Masaru just sighed and nodded. "Alright, but you'll have to lock up your mother's house. She's already in the car."

***

The trip to the clinic seemed to be longer than Matt had originally thought. Kari and Daisuke had gone home, but made Matt swear to tell them if anything happened. He looked out the window and winced as bright sunlight struck his face. How can the weather be so nice when someone almost lost their life? He glanced out the window and saw children playing. Probably they're out for recess. They don't have a care in the world. Why would they? Most of them have never even experienced depression. Why did they have to be so lucky when he wanted those rose-tinted glasses that made everything cheerful?

When they arrived at the clinic, the car that had taken TK was already parked. Matt looked at the building. It was short and sprawling, and was made out of brick. He could see people sitting around inside the double doors; most probably waiting for loved ones. He sighed. TK hated hospitals. How was he ever going to get better when he happened to be in a place he despised?

As they walked inside, a nurse spotted them. "Mr. and Mrs. Takaishi? We need you to come back and talk to the doctor. He'll be in room one with your son." Matt was about to enter too when the nurse stopped him. "I'm sorry, but the doctor doesn't think you should be in there."

Matt glared at her and then sat back down. There was a TV, but it was showing some type of soap that he didn't know. Then the realization hit. He was in a clinic, where his brother was being held, and he couldn't even see him. He was his big brother, and he couldn't do anything to stop him or help. He looked over to the window that led into the nurse's station, where he could see his father and mother speaking to a doctor, the doctor that would probably see more of his brother than he will. He started to shake uncontrollably. This had to be a bad dream, he thought. His brother's probably at home, just fine and without any type of mental disorder. Then a dark thought entered his mind. You couldn't stop it, the thought sneered.

Matt was still in shock when his father came out. Masaru sat down next to him and glanced over. "Matt?" he asked. When he didn't get a response, he asked, "Matt, are you ok?"

When he didn't get a response from that question, he reached out and put an arm around his son. "Look, TK is going all the help he can get. He'll get through this and become a stronger person because of it. We're all suffering right now, but you don't have to clam up like a shell."

Matt didn't realize he had tears running down his cheeks until he felt his father touch his cheek. "I couldn't help him. Daisuke and Kari said that he had been acting strange for the last couple of weeks. Why didn't I realize it?" Then Matt laughed hollowly. "Oh, right. Because he was so busy with other things. I never even got to see him much. He was always at one place or another, and I didn't even see the warning signs."

Masaru hugged him, then thought of something. "Hey, do you want me to take you home? There're still a few things that your mother and I need to finish up, and right now, they don't want anyone in to see him." Matt nodded quietly into his shoulder. "I'll go tell Nancy then."

Matt watched his father walk into the office again and speak to his mother. She nodded, and Masaru came back out. He held out his hand for Matt and Matt was grateful for the relief. He stood slowly, wobbling just a tiny bit as they walked toward the car. Matt looked up and was glad to see that clouds now obscured the sky. Matt thought that the sky was now fitting his mood.

__

To Be Continued…

Like I said in the above statement, this is a true story. If anyone wants to flame me because of it, then you can go fuck yourselves, because I am totally not in the mood for it right now…

~Charbonne


	2. December 11th

This story is based on true events happening in my life. People and places have been altered to respect privacy and fit into Digimon. The subject deals with suicide, and mental problems. I have realized that writing this story works out my own frustrated emotions, and cope better with what's happening.

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, nor do I rule over the events happening in the fic, although it is based on real life.

__

I was left to cry there, waiting outside there,

Grinning with a lost stare, that's when I decided,

Why should I care,

Cause you weren't there, when I was scared,

I was so alone…

Avril Lavigne, Losing Grip

****

Disbelief…

December 11th

Yamato stretched and yawned as he sat up in bed. He had stayed up until three, going through stuff that his brother might need at the hospital. The events of earlier were still fresh in his mind. _After coming home, everyone seemed to call him up. Tai called to ask what the heck was going on. Like Matt, he hadn't believed TK was capable of doing something like that. Miyako was different, as she told him that she was sorry about what happened and asked where he was. Matt told her, but also said that no one was supposed to see him. She gave a small chuckle and told him that they had obviously never met Miyako Inoue. Daisuke and Kari called about the same time, asking about any changes and reminding him to call them when something came up. All of the digidestined called at one time or another, causing Matt to lose track of who called. He spent some time, however, getting messages from them all to give to Takeru._

It was getting late when he decided to go to his room and get his mind off of it. He picked up his guitar and started strumming it, trying to think of a song that fit his mood, but gave it up and placed the instrument aside. He then got an idea and got out a small notebook. He flipped through it and found a blank page. 

He started writing something and was just about finished when his dad walked in. "Hey, Matt," he called. "Your mother was wondering if you'd like to go over to help her pack some things up for TK."

"Why?" Matt asked as he walked into the living room.

"He got transferred to the university hospital and will be staying there for a week. Me and your mother were going to visit him in the morning and thought that you might want to come along. Maybe it would help him to see his brother." Masaru said with a slight smile.

"What do you mean, help him?" Matt asked, worried.

"Well," his father began, "he's not speaking, and the doctor said that he was really angry and looked like he could get violent. He's right now on suicide watch at the hospital."

Matt nodded, swallowing. "Do they know what's wrong with him yet?"

Masaru shook his head. "No. They can't diagnose him yet until he starts speaking."

Matt frowned, but let the subject about his disturbed brother drop. "I'd better get over there before mom has a cow."

Masaru nodded and handed his eldest son his coat. "Don't worry about being over there too late, because your mom said she could drive you home."

Matt sighed and began pulling on a pair of pants. They weren't going over there for about two hours, but he felt like getting up and doing something. He pulled a shirt over his head as he made his way into the kitchen to make breakfast.

***

Daisuke looked over at the item Kari had picked up. It was a giant teddy bear with a heart that said, 'get well soon.' "This would be perfect for him," she said quietly, a small smile playing across her features.

"Umm, Kari, don't you think that's kind of big?" He asked, looking at the two-foot tall animal.

"Why do you say that?" Kari said, frowning.

"I mean, we all want TK to get better, but that's kind of pushing it." He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Besides, I don't have the money for it."

"I do!" Miyako said, digging into her purse for it. "We all were going to pitch in for a present while he's in the hospital, but I don't care if I donate the most money."

All three had decided to get Takeru a present from all of them, but Daisuke was thinking more along the lines of a card. He didn't expect, however, for Kari to pick up a large friendship card. "This too. That way we can all put what we want to say on it. That would definitely cheer him up."

"I wonder if we'd be allowed to visit him." Miyako mused. "Thankfully, no one in my family has been like that, but it would give me a better perspective if one was."

All three paused and frowned. "They probably won't, now that I think about it," Kari muttered under her breath. 

Daisuke shook his head and glanced down at his watch. "Um, guys, we'd probably want to wrap this up, seeing as _most_ of us have to go to school."

Miyako huffed. "Well, I'm _sorry_ if I was in a higher grade than you, Dai!"

Kari rubbed her eyes and sighed as she saw the beginnings of a fight. "Miyako, how about you go ahead and buy the stuff, and me and Daisuke can give you the money and head to school." She sweatdropped as she saw Dai and Miyako arguing over whether or not college was actually school. "Umm, Dai, Miyako, did you hear me?" They both ignored her and Kari sat back to watch the fight unfold. _This is going to be a long day…_

***

Yamato frowned as his father's car left the highway toward the university. Today was the day that he was finally able to see his brother. His stomach tightened, and he could already feel tears try to escape the corners of his eyes. The blonde looked forward toward his mother and father, who were both looking at the road. They hadn't said much, which slightly scared him. He knew his father was silent, and didn't want to show what he was feeling, but his mother was a different story. He had expected her to tell him that TK was alright, that he was going to get better. Instead, she had become almost as unreadable as Masaru. He hunkered down into his seat and crossed his arms. _I hope that this won't be a repeat of yesterday,_ he thought.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Matt could tell the difference between the other building and this one. This one seemed newer and cleaner, while to him the other one seemed seedier. He honestly didn't want to be here, but unfortunately TK was. He shuffled his feet as he walked, eager to see Takeru, but reluctant to see him in this state.

When they entered the building, Masaru led them to an elevator. He pushed a button, and the elevator door closed. They waited for a minute to get to their floor, and when the door shut behind him, Matt felt trapped. He was about to turn around when he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. "He'll be fine," his mother reasoned. "He'll get better."

__

No, he won't, Matt thought. _He'll have this hanging over his head, while I couldn't help him at all._ Nevertheless, he still walked down the hall until he saw a set of double doors. They stopped, and Matt was about to ask why until he saw his father push a small button on the wall. They don't want him to get out and hurt himself, he thought sadly.

They walked in when an elderly lady motioned them in from inside. Matt looked around and felt his stomach twist with anxiety. There were children in here, most of them with distant or sad expressions on their faces. Only two of them had smiles, and they were only four or five years old. Christmas decorations were up, but it did little to cheer up the lonely atmosphere. Matt stepped back while the lady at the counter checked the bag that they had brought. "All right, Mr. Ishida and Ms. Takashi," she said, after they signed in, "Takeru will be in room 3-B. It's on your right."

Masaru and Nancy thanked him and motioned Matt to follow. Matt's mind screamed at him that TK didn't belong here, that he should be at home with their mom. He walked slowly, seeing a couple of the kids look at him. When they figured that Matt and his family were going to see TK and not them, they turned toward their tasks at hand. He passed by a girl on the phone, and overheard a part of the conversation. "But mom," she pleaded, "Why won't you come visit?" He saw out of the corner of his eye that she had burst into tears, and was being led away by an assistant. _Doesn't belong here_, Matt thought resolutely. _Why wouldn't a mother come visit her daughter?_

They entered the room, and laying on the bed was his brother. He was wearing some clothing that he must have worn the day before, and his blonde hair looked a mess. His arms and legs were crossed, like he was frustrated at something. His eyes were closed, but opened slowly as he realized they were there. "Hey," he greeted softly, and looked around at each of them. As his younger brother's gaze settled on him, Matt could feel a slight chill settle into the room. TK had never looked at him icily, but there he was, glaring with unrestrained hatred. Matt took a couple of steps back, not believing that his brother was looking at him like that. "What is he doing here?" TK asked, a current of anger running in his voice.

"Honey, Matt wanted to see you," Nancy replied, but looked at Matt questioningly. "Why?"

"You told them!" TK said angrily, grabbing a shoe that was beside him and chucking it at his older sibling. "Why'd you tell? No, wait, I don't want to know. Get out!" He sat there; chest heaving as sobs escaped him. 

Matt, not knowing what to do, left the room as he felt tears of his own trying to escape. "I have to get out of here," he muttered, as he signed himself out and pushed the door open. He pushed the button for down at the elevator and waited, silent tears running down his face as he tried to convince himself that it wasn't true, that what his brother said was because he was unstable.

He got outside and was standing there sobbing, the cold biting through his coat. That's when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw his father there, looking down at him with tears in his own eyes. Matt's arms slowly encircled his father's waist, and both of them stood there crying in the light.

__

To Be Continued…

As I stated above and in the earlier chapter, this is a true story. If you decide to flame (which I honestly hope you don't), then you are an ass and need to get your head examined because I can't deal with idiots like you.

~Charbonne


	3. Cannot Continue

Ok, I know that I should have written the next part to Disbelief sometime soon, but right now I happen to be respecting the wishes of my sibling and not continuing this. I thank all who have read and reviewed this, and who al said that I really shouldn't have added that last part of the disclaimer or endnotes. Gomen nasai for all who really liked the story, and I hope you read other stories of mine.

Arigatou,

Charbonne


End file.
